I'm tired of having too much faith in people. too much faith in everything people do. I always seem to get let down by the ones that I put the most effort in helping. I'm tired of it. I hate that one of my good Friends is going down the wrong path, and the worst part is, I cannot do anything about it. I am stuck. stuck watching them drown. drown in their own sorrows, their own pains, their own weaknesses. I wish that I can just throw them an ore, or even a life vest. The only thing is that I can't. They are too far in...too deep.

why can we just give the ones that are making mistakes a mirror. a mirror that lets them see their future, the ugliness that is arising inside of them. please let me make them stop.please let me do something. I guess the only thing that i can really do is just have faith in myself to not give up on them. maybe they will survive the drowning. maybe they will get the strength to push through.

who am I and what should I do

so sometimes I come across too weird, or too strong as some would put it. I come across to strange, or too much if you would. But the most part and the biggest part is that I come as a turn off. I am un-attractive in every way. I am not that skinny,I don't have the prettiest face, and I am as plain as could be. I cant seem to get any guy to notice me, they always like to be "friends" and then that is as far as the relationship will go. I once got told that the reason that guys don't go for me is because I come across unambitious, but I believe that to be total bull. I am one of the most ambitious persons that I know. I always go for what I want to achieve and almost every time I achieve. I want to know what to do and how to do it... So when someone calls me unambitious, it just makes no sense at all.

Why is it that I am so lame and so ugly... I use to have a high confidence in High School, bit going to college and seeing everyone around getting boyfriends or getting noticed, it just makes me self esteem drop to the lowest degree. I know that I am who I am and no one can tell me other wise, but I want to be noticed for who I am and not for someone that I am not. yes I do have a lot of guy friends, but the always come to me for advice and help, never for a date or for something to do. they always go for my roommate or for a good "pick me up".

I am becoming my own worse enemy and I hate it...